Why are we up at 3am on the phone.

When your growing up, you have a million ideas on life. What your going to be when your grown up, that was a Vet for me I was determined I wanted to save the lives of animals but then after my pet rabbit which went by ten different names sadly died, this soon changed. I wanted to be a teacher for children with autism, but then thought children aren't really for me. I then decided a forensic psychologist was the way forward, despite being hemophobic and dreadful at science (as you can see I didn't exactly think this through)
    Amidst wanting to save the world, be a princess for a day and own a few hundred unicorns all different colours  and  chasing alligators in an attempt to make them giant pets, I came to the saddening conclusion that none of these careers would work as some were simply a little too far fetched even for an imagination as vivid as mine! The point I am making is when your young the world is filled with ideas, plans and ways in which we as individuals are going to make ourselves happy.

Its up to us to go and find them. When I was eight, I started writing I used to babble on about anything under the sun, make imaginary stories and sit everyone down and act them out as if they were the next best seller. It made me happy, really happy. Anything that popped into my head was the best idea yet to make a story. I used to create people, families, pets, homes, worlds even and live in them in my room, my handwriting getting more and more frantic as I reached the anticipated conclusion.

I used to carry round a tatty book with me and jot down things, sentences, sometimes even words that I was determined to slot in. Writing gives me this sense of purpose, I am near enough useless at anything else. Maths is my enemy and shall be forever and anything else I barely get by with. I want to change the world with words both good and bad but I want to do it, to make an impact, a lasting impression.


Writing is an act of optimism we wouldn't take the time to do it, if we felt it didn't matter - Edward Albee.

Your doing all of these things out of desperation.

You fake a smile, you say your life's better than it was yesterday.......but it's not.

If we lived in the set of a glossy Hollywood magazine, we would all have amazing jobs (the ones of us that wanted to work) look beautiful every second of every day, do everything that we love and nothing that we like. We would live the lives you only see in the movies. No money worries or the feeling of cold when you lay down to go to sleep after doing a job all day that you have to find the courage to go and do every morning. We would enjoy our lives for what they are. You couldn't avoid, heart break, death, or worry of course these are factors that we cannot live a life without, but they would be made that tiny bit easier without everything else drowning them.

I would love to live everyday as if it were my last, its just I wouldn't spend my last day working a dead end job for people that I swear our some relation to an unruly dictator. I would travel to tallest building in New York climb right up there and just sit. I would be nothing to the world of dazzling lights in front of me, I would just be a person, myself, somebody that has never been hurt nor had the power to hurt someone else. I would sit there for hours dangling my legs off out into the darkness until my time came. People would wonder why I would want to spend the last bit on my own, but its through myself that I would have got to that place and I would take that time to appreciate everything and everyone silently in the darkness.

Life is so short, too short and I know I always say it but you never know what is around the corner. Hollywood lives are glamorous mine certainly isn't a journalist who struggles to do any 9-5 job without running out screaming. I am blessed not through the amount of money I have filling my pockets, but by the friends and family I have creating the most priceless memories. I am richer than most in that sense, however if only this paid the bills!


Hollywood's not my idea of brilliance either.

I could feel the tiny life inside of me, I knew time was running out.

13th March 1992

Last night I sat with my mum, who isn't just my mum but my best friend and the best friend anyone could ever ask for. We read through her diaries. Before this moment I thought I knew her better than anyone sometimes even better than herself but through these pages of heart felt entries I learnt so much more and that we are even more alike than I ever could have imagined.

It was as if I had stood into her life and was hiding behind the wings as I saw it all unfold. In the pages that I was about to read it described her life as being up in the air just a few days before she gave birth to me.

My grandfather was dying and it was horrific, everyone's hopes were being raised and then dashed again as nobody knew if he was going to make it through another night, I saw the love that my mother had for my father who's life was changing forever and I learnt more and more about a man that I never got to meet.

He sounded amazing, a true fighter, I hope I have his strength and the love that he had for his family. The diary entries were amazing I can see why I love to write so much like it does with me it has too helped my mum through nearly every experience.

I have always loved and respected her as a woman, I aspire to be as amazing as she is, but I now have an even higher respect for her as my mother who looked after me and cherished me from the moment she knew I was growing inside of her.

To this day it hurts me that I never got to meet my grandfather as I think if he was still around my dad would have always been in my life and that would have made a huge difference every little girl needs her dad. I was just lucky to have such an amazing mum to make me into the person that I stand today.

Life is unpredictable at the best of times and as they say where there is life there is also death and this couldn't be more true. 2 days before I was born my grandfather passed away after putting up the bravest fight of his life. I will never truly know him but through last night I feel like I know him more and more.

I'm scared i'll be torn apart by a wolf who masks a familiar name on a birthday card.

It's just a young heat confusing my mind.

Is it too much to ask that we could live in a world where people care?

We learn from the ones we hate the most so they say.

There are many things I do not believe in;

I do not believe that money should be the root of anyones true happiness.

I do not believe that monsters exsist in fairytales, they are all too real in this world.

I do not believe that anyone should act in a way that destroys someone's day.

I do not believe in hatred, this is a simple waste of time.

I do not believe that we should place our happiness in some strangers hands, you have to learn what makes yourself happy first.

I do not believe in glossy magazines that only leave us with un reachable targets and comparrisons.

I do not believe blood is thicker than water, family come and go too.

I do not believe we are alone.

I do not believe death is a forever goodbye, its just a simple "See you later"

I do not believe we should live lives ruled by people that will never matter, nor make a difference.

I do not believe in certain individuals they have never earnt this from me.

I do not believe in life being difficult all of the time, there are great moments and unforgettable days, these are what we must focus on.

I do not believe in lying, no matter how bad the truth is a lie will always be far worse.

I do not believe in regrets just love.

I do not believe in anything that makes you cry being a bad thing, we are humans not robots we are meant to cry just as we are meant to laugh.

I do not believe in someone who can't see further than themselves.

Though this list could go on and on, its so important in life to acknowledge the good and bad things, the things we could live everyday without and the things, people that we couldn't live a second without having them in our lives.

Life is precious.
Life is short.
Life is exactly what you make of it.

Live today, explore tomorrow

Living today, can change tomorrow.

Some of us have dreams, dreams that we can follow and make a reality, there are some of us that do this, that chase what we believe in until we fall off the end of the world with it. I am lucky enough to know a determined individual who is doing just that.


Carmel Roche is travelling to Indonesia later this year for six weeks, to research how the coral reefs are adapted to today's extreme environments. The research that's gathered will help Carmel complete her third year in Keele University and be used in her final thesis.

Being a qualified open water diver, Carmel will be scuba diving to explore the reef which is a strenuous task in every aspect both physically and mentally.

I am incredibly proud to know such a determined individual, and through this I hope it will raise more awareness for what she is about to do. The trip is funded independently by Carmel and help to secure more funds for the flights, diving equipment and everything else needed for her journey to Indonesia is very much needed and appreciated.

If anyone wishes to donate to Carmel's fund and too make a difference then please have a look at her fund raising page. After all if your not out there chasing your dreams you can help Carmel reach hers.

carmelfundraising.blogspot.co.uk

Carmel/fundraising.blogspot.co.uk