Do you see what we've done, we've gone and made such fools of ourselves,
How did we get here I used to know you so well,
I think I know,
There is something I see in you, it might kill me, I want it to be true.
Saturday, 13 October 2012
Teenage Dream
"I know you get me so I let my walls come down"
How to let somebody in.
I am still learning how to do this exact bit. There are some that I have learnt how to let in and these are the ones that use me, lie to my face, pretend way too much and make false promises. The others who have yet to do this, are honest, take me for everything I am and am not, good days and bad days, love me with a passion and are always there. These are the ones that prove everyday why they are so special to me. Then there are the ones who I and have left me either died never to return other in the form of beautiful memories or the ones who just don't want to try anymore and the exit door is way more appealing.
The grass isn't always greener on the other side its greener where you water it!
It's hard to know how to make these good and bad choices because indeed in this silly little thing called life we have to make them both and try our very best to learn from them.
My mum says,
"Jess don't change yourself, being you is what got you the opportunities that you have, and the people around you that you do"
I know she is right but I still can't seem to figure out why there are people out there who exploit good people, why there are people out there who only work for self gratification. Then again I don't understand it and that's a good thing, it means I can never be like this myself. When I love I do so with everything I can and once I have told you those three little words that's it you are stuck with my like a weed that won't die for the rest of your life.
I shall continue to being the person I always have been after all my mum is right. Those who wish to carry on with behaviours that upset individuals they can carry on too and one day hopefully we will both learn not only who to let in truly but how to keep them happy.
How to let somebody in.
I am still learning how to do this exact bit. There are some that I have learnt how to let in and these are the ones that use me, lie to my face, pretend way too much and make false promises. The others who have yet to do this, are honest, take me for everything I am and am not, good days and bad days, love me with a passion and are always there. These are the ones that prove everyday why they are so special to me. Then there are the ones who I and have left me either died never to return other in the form of beautiful memories or the ones who just don't want to try anymore and the exit door is way more appealing.
The grass isn't always greener on the other side its greener where you water it!
It's hard to know how to make these good and bad choices because indeed in this silly little thing called life we have to make them both and try our very best to learn from them.
My mum says,
"Jess don't change yourself, being you is what got you the opportunities that you have, and the people around you that you do"
I know she is right but I still can't seem to figure out why there are people out there who exploit good people, why there are people out there who only work for self gratification. Then again I don't understand it and that's a good thing, it means I can never be like this myself. When I love I do so with everything I can and once I have told you those three little words that's it you are stuck with my like a weed that won't die for the rest of your life.
I shall continue to being the person I always have been after all my mum is right. Those who wish to carry on with behaviours that upset individuals they can carry on too and one day hopefully we will both learn not only who to let in truly but how to keep them happy.
Thursday, 4 October 2012
It's easier to hurt than it is to heal.
I can't spell it out for you, it can never be that simple.
If we took time to realise what was stood in front of us then maybe we all be that little bit happier. Sometimes the things in life that hurt you don't make you stronger they in my opinion just make you appreciate your weaknesses.
If we all took a chance then we would never have to realise if you were in fact perfect for that person you let walk straight away into the arms of someone else or realise that you should never have wasted all the time you did with someone who will never truly understand what it is that your about.
Nobody is perfect, but in life its about understanding someones imperfections and making them perfect to you. Life isn't like the movies but if it was surely you would want to cut out all of that waiting around, rushing back and forth to the airport, chasing down the one you love as they drive away to a nearby state in a shiny yellow cab. I'd like to miss out the parts when they call each other a million times and miss every call, the parts when they are with other people but miss "the one" the whole time. The buying of a thousand different presents in case one makes a difference. The make ups and break ups and kissing in the rain. I don't want the Hollywood lifestyle I want the real life story the journey.
The days when all you want to do is be surrounded by the person that you love, and the days when you want to be on your own and couldn't think of anything worse. The phone calls that make you laugh and with them the ones that make you cry. The dates that you will never forget and then the ones that your more than happy to. The tiny gifts that may as well have cost a few pence cause in my mind they are the ones I am going to stare at before going to sleep! The crap jokes and the rather good ones but what the hell you love the guy so it doesn't matter how funny or be it completely awful they are. I want the moments when all you want to do is sit in silence because between the two of you that's enough than any full blown conversation. The nights where you eat way too much food and then spend all night comparing each others forever growing tummies!! I want real life. Real emotions. No bullshit. There is enough bullshit.
I want to make a difference to someones life not because of who I know or what I do. Nor because of how much money I earn or how many holidays I go on a year. I want someone who loves me for everything I am for all the good days and bad days.
My grandpa looked after my grandmother who died a bit more everyday in front of him for nearly five years and loved her even more the day we lost her to the sky. That's love. Every time she coughed so much just because she couldn't get enough air in due to her lungs slowly giving up he was there. Every time she needed to go the toilet but had to press a button on a machine that spoke for her cause she couldn't talk or move unaided her ran to help her no matter what he was in the middle of. Every time she cried invisible tears as her body wouldn't allow her to cry anymore, every night she sat awake in pain to terrified to fall asleep he was up too. That's not the love that happens in a 90 minute film. That is real honest until the day you die and then some love. Surely that's better?!
I don't want to start over, I don't want to pretend.
"I won't do what you told me, I won't do what you say, Am I going to stop feeling?"
The path that we set out on in the morning may not be the same one we find ourselves wandering down that same night we rest our heads on our pillows, this said when we wake up we could now have leapt onto something completely different and be starting a new journey.
The trick of this "path jumping" is to try your best to remember what you've learnt along the way. Heartbreak will be along this path, same as sadness, despair, tiredness, but also, happiness, love, friendship, laughter and so many other crazy emotions. As easy as it feels sometimes to give up, throw in the towel, bury yourself under your duvet for the rest of the year keep going.
I don't want to start over, and I don't want to pretend. I want to have the journey for all that it is.
The path that we set out on in the morning may not be the same one we find ourselves wandering down that same night we rest our heads on our pillows, this said when we wake up we could now have leapt onto something completely different and be starting a new journey.
The trick of this "path jumping" is to try your best to remember what you've learnt along the way. Heartbreak will be along this path, same as sadness, despair, tiredness, but also, happiness, love, friendship, laughter and so many other crazy emotions. As easy as it feels sometimes to give up, throw in the towel, bury yourself under your duvet for the rest of the year keep going.
I don't want to start over, and I don't want to pretend. I want to have the journey for all that it is.
Monday, 1 October 2012
Company under covers. Filling the space in your sheets.
"Please just blow out all the candles, blow out all the candles, your too young to be this shy he says to me so I stay the night, just a young heart confusing my mind, but we are both in silence, wide-eyed like we are in a crime scene" - Daughter Candles.
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